So be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you must endure many trials for a little while. (1 Pet. 1-6 NLT)
Hello friends and loved ones. It is with heavy hearts that I write this post today... Over the Thanksgiving holiday of 2017, we were elated to find out we were expecting our second child. A natural conception without fertility medications and something we weren't even planning for happened. It was truly a miracle from the Lord! I won't go into great detail, but the following weeks were covered in prayers, worries and hopes and dreams. We were so excited to have the possibility of two little ones in the upcoming year - one by adoption and one by birth.
God blessed me with the opportunity to carry our sweet little one for seven weeks. Unfortunately, on the day our pregnancy turned seven weeks, we found it was an ectopic pregnancy after two days of testing and lab work. We did get to see our baby's heartbeat on the screen as the doctor told us that it wasn't a viable pregnancy and was threatening my life. She prescribed a Methotrexate treatment that was administered that day to terminate the pregnancy. I can't even begin to put into words the pain and tears that flowed that day. However, as I sat in the oncology office chair, the Scripture below was engraved on the wooden arm rest of the chair and I found so much comfort that afternoon in those words...
“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid, do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”
The following day, my right Fallopian tube where the pregnancy had embedded ruptured and I was rushed into the ER for an emergency life saving surgery. We see God's hand in that day in many ways as my doctor was the doctor on call that weekend and able to perform my surgery. In addition, God gave us the wisdom to go the ER, with me heavily bleeding internally and unknowingly only hours from passing away. What I thought was going to be a laparoscopic surgery ended up being a full incision with a 6 week recovery. I had a blood transfusion, had my right tube removed, was monitored in the hospital for several days and then spent the next six weeks recovering and allowing my heart to process everything that happened in yet another loss. It was truly a whirlwind and I can hardly believe how much has happened in two short months.
Looking back on this ordeal, I was so blessed by a wonderful husband who stood by my side and cared for me in every single moment. This trial surely brought us closer together. In addition, we as a couple, were surrounded by loved ones who took care of us, prayed for us and provided for us. We are so grateful to every single one of you who took the time to call, check in, text, message, comment, send gifts, and even send donations to our adoption fund over the holiday season.
“So be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you must endure many trials for a little while. These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold—though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world.”
Through every step of the last two months, I prayed for nothing more than God’s will to be done and His peace for our hearts. I wasn't once afraid, though perhaps I have been discouraged. I still don’t understand why this happened and I’m fully aware that I may never will. Many have asked us if we were going to put the adoption on hold, but our answer is no because that journey is separate from our infertility journey. I know deep in my heart God has called us to walk both of these journeys simultaneously and I can’t imagine a better, more fitting scripture for either than 1 Peter 1.6-7. My hope is that He will use our story to encourage others and to lift His name high, even when we feel defeated and broken. Be strong, be courageous - He is with you in whatever you’re facing and He has a plan to prosper you too. Thank you all for your prayers and love. Please continue to lift us up, specifically that God will lead us to the right birth family and baby, that the finances can be raised in full so we won’t have any adoption debt and can enjoy a wonderful, renewed life with our adopted little one - SOON!